A few weeks ago I had one of THOSE weekends. Do any of you SAHMs know what I'm talking about? I felt ill-used, under-appreciated, and totally ignored.
I was frustrated that my current church calling is one that only the Bishop and the choir director care about. Being the ward choir accompanist is something people notice only if you make a huge mistake while the choir sings or if you don't show up. I know I've had my ups and downs in the Primary callings I've held recently, but at least people showed up for what I prepared when I was doing that. Our poor choir has only women who come regularly, and one man about every other week - so more than once I have practiced a song for two weeks or more, only to have it scrapped because we don't have enough men to pull it off.
I was tired of doing so many things for so many people and never getting thanked. It made me so mad that I felt I had to thank Nathan for brushing someone's teeth or changing Rachel's diaper, but when I do the same things it's just part of the job description. That's not to say he expected to be thanked, it's because I wanted to thank him for the help - I just wished he and the kids wanted to thank me for the help too. When I leave to go Visiting Teaching or on errands or choir practice I felt like I have to have all the ducks in a row before I leave, with any combination of feeding, dressing, washing, and getting to bed completed. I wished Nathan was able to do the same for me before he leaves too.
I had a good cry and told Nathan how I felt, and he has tried to tell me more that he appreciates the things I do since then.
Don't get me wrong. I am grateful I can stay home. I am grateful I don't have to work. I am grateful I have a church calling that doesn't require a lot of time away from home. I am grateful Nathan can work from home so I can go Visiting Teaching and run errands without dragging my kids along. I'm grateful for our health and for our (mostly) well-behaved kids and for our free country.
I don't need a lot of Stuart Smalley Daily Affirmation comments from you, my friends and loyal readers, because this is old news, and I assure you, I'm mostly over this. However, I did want to share because I know how often we assume others don't feel like we do. Many women see the smiling outside and assume it matches the inside. I just want everyone to know I have my bad days too!!!
Or maybe my outside isn't as smiling as I assumed it was and you all already knew that...
9 comments:
I TOTALLY know how you feel. I had a post recently, where I wasn't fishing for feel good compliments, but was just venting. I could say ditto to all you said.
I also love being a stay at home mom, but right now I feel so BORED!! I want to get out of the house, but everything that I can think of costs money. So, I just stay home and do chores, but yet with as much as I do, you'd expect my house to be cleaner than it is. I clean just for my kids to get it out again and then it needs to be cleaned again.
When I read other people's blog, everything seems so hunky dory in their lives, but not mine. When I read your blog, you say how it is and the way I feel.
Sad to say, but I wish we would have known each other better when we were growing up, we're a lot alike now!! Maybe we missed out on each other!
I totally feel your pain!! I feel that way this week too and have 3 sick kids to add to the mix, so not fun! But like you said the good far outweighs the bad so I suppose we continue to grin and bear it!!
AMEN!! I completely agree and feel that way quite often. Sometimes I wish I could switch roles with Rusty, although he would say his job is way harder. I'm not saying it's not, but just that MY job is harder than HE thinks it is. *sigh* It's an endless battle. At least we can vent, talk with other women, and move on until the next time.
Thanks for blogging...was I one of the 2 people who was bugging you about blogging? And I totally felt unappreciated today when I donated money to the PCMC Radiothon all by myself (knowing how cheap I am) and my husband didn't even think that was really cool - hello??? I need to be thanked for doing things outside of my norm!
I wonder if we had the same crappy weekend. It seems to me that it must be going around. I've had a couple of gripe sessions with some friends and my sister. Interesting.
I know you're not fishing for thank yous, but I want to let you know how much I appreciate all the time you put into the choir music. I feel so bad every Sunday when choir practice seems like a total waste of time. I have given up on expecting men to come to practice, so I will just accept the situation we have and will choose music accordingly. Hopefully we won't have to scrap any more numbers after you've put in so much practice time.
I must say, you are also the most important member of the choir. It would go on fine if I wasn't there, but we really feel it if you can't make it. Thanks again for all that you do. I'm sure I don't let you know nearly enough.
If we only knew that all of us moms feel the same way!
Some weeks are certainly better than others. I don't think the "paydays" can come often enough, however when they finally do come (ten years from now) I expect they will be big!
I feel your pain. I do want you to know that I APPRECIATE that YOU play for the choir and I think that EVERY Sunday at 2:45 when I think of you heading over there as I am lying down for a little nap. Of course it is usually a nap so I can stay awake through the night at work, but that is besides the point!
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