6 Months

This picture was drawn by a person who just called us up out of the blue and asked if he could do a charcoal drawing of the girls. It's been a long time since I have posted a picture, and I thought that it would be appropriate to post this one - and to talk a bit about how we have been feeling lately.

It's been 6 months now since everything has changed for us. We have had a few tear-free days. In fact, we are on our way to having more tear-free days than tearful days. We still miss our girls so very deeply though!

The time seems to be going by so quickly - it doesn't seem like it's been 6 whole months since Rebecca and Rachel died. However, the days seem to be going by so slowly. Each day just crawls along.

I also feel like I have been measuring out my life based off of February 2010. Everything I think of, everything I remember, everything I do, I frame it relative to whether or not it happened "before the girls died" or "after the girls died." I'm getting so tired of measuring my life this way - but I think that is the way it's going to be.

The hardest time for me was, oddly enough, the 5-month anniversary of when they passed away. It especially hit me hard, because that was the point at which Rachel had been gone for 1/3 the time that she had been with us.

There have been fewer "upset" times. Probably just a few of them per month - usually around anniversaries. Most of the time, we just miss them so very much! There is an overarching feeling of melancholy in our lives.

There have been wonderful times of happiness though - and that helps to temper the sorrow and sadness. It was wonderful to see close friends go through the temple. It has been wonderful to see the love and support that friends, family, and even strangers are still offering to us - even after all this time.

It has been kind of nice to not have to wake up early, change diapers, or get breakfast for the little kids...though most days, we really miss doing those day-to-day tasks as well.

More than anything, what we have learned from this experience is that we need to make sure and do everything that we can to build memories with our family members. We have no regrets. We are grateful for the fact that we did so many things to build memories with our children while they were here with us.

Lastly, I don't know how we ever could have gotten through this without the knowledge that we'd see our sweet daughters again. I wonder how people without a religious background could ever go through something like this. The despair would be too strong. However, I know, absolutely, that we will be able to see and be with our daughters again. I am SO grateful for that knowledge. Daily, I thank God for the blessings that He has given me - especially for that ability...to one day live with my family again forever.