PARENTS WHO LOST A DAUGHTER ARE NOW IN A DIFFERENT PLACE
DEAR ABBY: My beautiful 20-year-old daughter was killed in a car accident. I am writing this not only for myself, but for all parents who have lost a child, and to all of the wonderful people who asked, "What can I do for you?" At the time there wasn't much anyone could do to help, but after two years I have an answer: Accept me for who I am now.
When Rachel came into my life, it changed me profoundly. Losing her did the same. Her father and I work hard to honor her memory, but we will never "get over it" to the degree of being who we were before. I am different now. In some ways -- I think -- better. I am kinder, more patient, more appreciative of small things, but I am not as outgoing nor as quick to laugh.
I know people mean well when they encourage me to get on with my life, but this is my life. My priorities have changed. My expectations of what my future will hold have changed. Please extend to me again the offer of "anything I can do" and, please, accept me as I am now. -- DIFFERENT NOW IN RIVERVIEW, FLA.
DEAR DIFFERENT NOW: Please accept my profound sympathy for the tragic loss of your daughter. I hope that your letter will help anyone who doesn't understand that the death of a child is the most devastating loss parents can suffer and that the experience is life-changing. They may get beyond it, but they never get "over" it. To expect that they would is unrealistic, because it's a wound that may become less visible but never goes away.
3 comments:
We are thinking of you. Your family has been an amazing inspiration. Your girls will never be forgotten. We all love you for who you are now. May your family be blessed with peace and comfort this time of year and always.
Thinking of you, your family, and your girls not just at Christmas time but always!!
You are AMAZING, Brenda!
THis rings true to me too. Life changes us and some things in our lives change us more than other things. I particularly liked the statement of being able to get beyond it, but not getting over it. Brenda, you will always be the best you can be. That is your nature. I love you, girl.
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