Are we dancer?

This is the perspective that I would always have when looking back at Rebecca while riding in the car. Once she got a bit older, she got a new "Fairy Seat" that she could ride in, and Rachel took her place. Seeing this picture reminds me of the trips that we went on and singing with the girls in the car. They both LOVED to listen to music...and I would look back at them as they would sing (and, in Rachel's case dance) along.

Becca's favorite song was "Human" by The Killers. I think she kind of liked it originally because it was a complete mystery to her - and admittedly, it doesn't really make sense. The lyric "Are we human, or are we dancer?" just didn't make sense to her little brain. I think that was part of the the draw for her.

However, when I hear that song now, I think of "dancer" as a metaphor for the spirit, or eternal soul. Hearing the lyrics in that light makes the song take on a whole new meaning:

=======================

I did my best to notice

When the call came down the line

Up to the platform of surrender

I was brought but I was kind

And sometimes I get nervous

When I see an open door


Close your eyes, clear your heart

Cut the cord

Are we human, or are we dancer?

My sign is vital, my hands are cold

And I'm on my knees looking for the answer

Are we human, or are we dancer?

Pay my respects to grace and virtue

Send my condolences to good

Give my regards to soul and romance

They always did the best they could

And so long to devotion, you taught me everything I know

Wave good bye, wish me well

You gotta let me go

Are we human, or are we dancer?

My sign is vital, my hands are cold

And I'm on my knees looking for the answer

Are we human, or are we dancer?

Will your system be alright

When you dream of home tonight

There is no message we're receiving

Let me know is your heart still beating

Are we human, or are we dancer?

My sign is vital, my hands are cold

And I'm on my knees looking for the answer

You've gotta let me know

Are we human, or are we dancer?

My sign is vital, my hands are cold

And I'm on my knees looking for the answer

Are we human, or are we dancer?

Are we human, or are we dancer?

Are we human, or are we dancer?

=======================

I think that Becca now understands the meaning now...she's my little dancer!

My Two Girls

Becca and Rachel were two sweet, wonderful, beautiful, intelligent little girls - and although I am missing them a lot right now, I am SO thankful that they were mine for such a short time here on earth, that they continue to be mine in my heart, and that they will always be mine in the eternities.

Rachel in the Backpack

As I have mentioned before, whenever we would go on a hiking trip, I would take the youngest in the backpack. Because of how far apart our children are spaced, we never had more than just the one in the backpack. It was always fun for me to carry the kids around...it gave me a *little* bit of an idea of how Brenda must have felt being pregnant (yes, ladies - I know, it's NO comparison...don't yell at me... ;) )

Since most of our recent trips were to National Parks, I had a lot of opportunities to carry Rachel around. Of all the children, she was probably the best in the backpack. She would just sit there and jabber to me while we would hike. I especially loved when she would fall asleep, leaning against my back.

She also loved just getting into the backpack, and sitting there. I love her face in this picture.

This summer, we are planning a few more hiking trips. It's going to be a bit hard for me to go "bare back" - but I manage. Perhaps I'll actually be able to keep up with Cassidy and Braden now! :)

Omega Threes

So, a couple of weeks ago we were in the car and Braden announces, "I wish I liked fish."

I asked, "Why do you wish you liked fish?"

His response was, "Because fish have lots of omega-3 fatty acids and those are good for your brain. If I liked fish I could be smarter."

Well, when you're 7 years old and you know that omega-3 fatty acids exist and have benefits - then I think you don't need them to be any smarter!

Maybe he learned it from Nova.

Welcome Home Surprise

When we got home from our trip yesterday, we went to see the park. The boy scouts in our ward, at the suggestion of the Layton City mayor, planted a little memorial area for the girls at the park around the corner from our house. Yellow pansies, rose bushes, and pink flowering trees around a bench...just a few yards from the childrens playground. VERY beautiful, and VERY thoughtful on the part of all those involved. THANK YOU!

The Radio Game

Becca loved music - so did Rachel. Here are Becca, Cassidy, and Braden listening to their aunt Katie playing the guitar.

I miss singing with Becca. She was my kindred spirit. She could identify singers of songs - even if she hadn't heard the song before. I loved playing "The Radio Game" with her - by just shuffling my iPod, and having her guess the song (both title and artist). Generally, she could do it within 4 or 5 seconds of the song beginning. Her favorite songs were by Pink, Aerosmith, and Green Day. Her all-time favorite song was "Human" by the Killers. We would sing along to them together, when we were in the car, or even just in the basement after a day of work.

I also loved dancing with Rachel. Every night, I would lay on the couch after dinner, and before bed, and Rachel would come over and want to dance with me - so we would turn on some music, and dance.

I miss dancing. I miss singing. I miss the Radio Game. I can listen to their favorite songs, but I haven't yet been able to just sit down and listen to music for any extended period of time. Hopefully, I'll be able to get to that point again.

Messy Face Part II

The last picture was of Rachel making a mess eating - so I thought I'd share this one of Becca. And yes - I don't usually post on Saturday, but I felt like I needed to. :)

This picture was taken on a field trip (for Braden's joy school) to the Tasty's Doughnut shop. They got to make doughnuts with "Baker Mackie" and then afterwards, they ate them. I love Becca's face in this picture.

Becca loved to eat doughnuts - especially for breakfast. Next to "big fancy breakfast," I think it was probably her favorite thing to do. Rachel, however, was completely ambivalent towards them...she was just fine eating her oatmeal.

This morning, I ate a doughnut, and remembered this picture. It brought tears to my eyes. I miss my girls so much! As fast as the time is going by (2 months already), at the same time, it feels SOOOO slow - and to think I have to wait the remainder of a lifetime to see them again is hard at times. However, I thank the Lord for the times that He has allowed us to feel the presence of our sweet little girls - and I hope that I can have many more chances to feel them with me while I wait for that wonderful reunion!

My View

Yes, I know that Brenda posted a link on this last night, bu i thought I'd share my thoughts and view on it too.

http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_14837495

This came faster than we ever thought it would. We are very glad that the deaths of out two girls was not in vain. We are already beginning to see lots of good coming of it. Hopefully, this will help make it so that others will not have to go though what we have had to.

Not in Vain

A small triumph for my Becca and my Rachel.

http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=10305855

Birthday Cake

Rachel had a blast with her birthday cake last year. She probably ate the equivalent of 2 full pieces.

Even with a messy face, she was such a beautiful little girl. I miss her so much!

She would eat oatmeal (of all things) with the same gusto. You would think you were feeding her ice cream as much as she enjoyed it.

I've been missing my girls a lot the past few days. Some days are harder than others - but the feeling is starting to come that I'm not always sad and gloomy. Rather, I'm excited (and at times a bit impatient) to be with them again.

The waiting is what's hard. :(

The Merry

Rebecca's favorite ride, everywhere we went, was the merry-go-round. She used to call it "The Merry" - and it was the first (and lots of times, only) thing that she wanted to ride on.

I love this picture, because she is looking up at the mechanisms in wonderment - trying to figure out how it worked.

She was such a smart little girl. I miss her so much!