All the Cousins

This was last year, on the 4th of July (Cassie's birthday) - before going to the rodeo. Every year, our entire family goes up to the rodeo in Oakley, UT on the 4th of July. The only year we missed it was the year that Cassidy was born. Here are all of the cousins at lunch at the park above Grandma Toone's house.

Such beautiful children! I miss my girls...but I still love spending time with the rest of the family. It helps me to remember them.

I miss you Becca and Rachel! I love you so much!

Best Friends

From "Best Cousins" to "Best Friends".

These are Becca's two best friends, "A" and "B" (their names *really* start with "A" and "B"...) She would always want to play with one or the other of them. This is them on a joyschool trip to the pumpkin patch.

I hope to be able to watch these two girls grow - and remember my Becca and see what she would have been able to accomplish had she remained with us.

Yesterday, I had a flashback of a time I had with Rebecca. Back in November, she had a sleep-over at her grandma's house - and was dropped off at my office for me to take her home from here. That day, I was asked to find a city map for a guy who was moving from Philadelphia to Utah...so Becca and I drove around to different places trying to find a map for "my friend Sam" - which is what Becca called him.

She talked about "my friend Sam" for weeks afterwards - which makes me happy that we were able to make those memories together. Every time we drove on Highway 89 (where we did a lot of our looking), she would ask if we were going to find a map for Sam.

I am SOOO grateful that I have memories such as these to help me carry on until the time that I am able to see and hold my girls again.

I think Mr. Ricky's Done Enough

Best Cousins

This is a picture that Kara took one day when Becca was over playing with Amanda and Lily. We cropped this picture for our new individual picture of Becca. She is SOOOO beautiful! I can only imagine how beautiful she would have been as she grew up.

The day after Rebecca died, Logan mentioned it to Amanda and Lily. Amanda started to cry and said that "Rebecca was my BEST cousin!" She really was. It was so fun to watch the girls all play together - they were all close to the same ages. It was so nice to have best friends that were also cousins.

I miss the girls so much! It's especially hard today...of all the gifts that I wanted to get Brenda today, the one that I couldn't get here was the one that I know she wants the most - the girls. I know that some day we will be able to have them and raise them again. And I know that Brenda will be an excellent mother to them when we get them back...same as she has been (and continues to be) to all our children.

I love you Brenda! I love you Becca and Rachel!

The Year of the Purses

Last Christmas was the "Year of the Purses". My parents gave each of the little grand-daughters a purse. This was Rachel's.

In addition, Santa brought Rebecca a dress-up purse to play with as well.

Both of the girls loved their purses. Rachel especially carried this one around all over the house.

I love the expression of wonder on her face. She was so sweet and innocent. She was so beautiful and kind. She was so loving and happy. I miss her so much!

Are we dancer?

This is the perspective that I would always have when looking back at Rebecca while riding in the car. Once she got a bit older, she got a new "Fairy Seat" that she could ride in, and Rachel took her place. Seeing this picture reminds me of the trips that we went on and singing with the girls in the car. They both LOVED to listen to music...and I would look back at them as they would sing (and, in Rachel's case dance) along.

Becca's favorite song was "Human" by The Killers. I think she kind of liked it originally because it was a complete mystery to her - and admittedly, it doesn't really make sense. The lyric "Are we human, or are we dancer?" just didn't make sense to her little brain. I think that was part of the the draw for her.

However, when I hear that song now, I think of "dancer" as a metaphor for the spirit, or eternal soul. Hearing the lyrics in that light makes the song take on a whole new meaning:

=======================

I did my best to notice

When the call came down the line

Up to the platform of surrender

I was brought but I was kind

And sometimes I get nervous

When I see an open door


Close your eyes, clear your heart

Cut the cord

Are we human, or are we dancer?

My sign is vital, my hands are cold

And I'm on my knees looking for the answer

Are we human, or are we dancer?

Pay my respects to grace and virtue

Send my condolences to good

Give my regards to soul and romance

They always did the best they could

And so long to devotion, you taught me everything I know

Wave good bye, wish me well

You gotta let me go

Are we human, or are we dancer?

My sign is vital, my hands are cold

And I'm on my knees looking for the answer

Are we human, or are we dancer?

Will your system be alright

When you dream of home tonight

There is no message we're receiving

Let me know is your heart still beating

Are we human, or are we dancer?

My sign is vital, my hands are cold

And I'm on my knees looking for the answer

You've gotta let me know

Are we human, or are we dancer?

My sign is vital, my hands are cold

And I'm on my knees looking for the answer

Are we human, or are we dancer?

Are we human, or are we dancer?

Are we human, or are we dancer?

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I think that Becca now understands the meaning now...she's my little dancer!

My Two Girls

Becca and Rachel were two sweet, wonderful, beautiful, intelligent little girls - and although I am missing them a lot right now, I am SO thankful that they were mine for such a short time here on earth, that they continue to be mine in my heart, and that they will always be mine in the eternities.