Kings and Queens

This is the last picture we took of all our kids - just a week or so before the girls died.

Cassidy, Braden, and Rebecca all decided that they wanted to play "King and Queen" so they all dressed up. They even dressed up Rachel. She thought she was so cute! We thought so too - and couldn't help but take pictures of them.

The bead necklaces that the girls are all wearing were Rachel's favorite. They were just cheap necklaces that we got from a work party last Christmas. She would put them on and wear them all around the house. "CUUUUUUTE" was all she would say. That was her way of letting us know that she was being silly, I think. Last night, we found one of them hidden away in a closet - so Brenda wore it in her memory.

Here they are sitting on their throne. I miss my family. It is hard to have half of them gone from me for the remainder of this life. I know, however, that we will be able to be reunited again and continue to raise those sweet little girls. I can't wait to hold, snuggle, hug, and kiss their sweet faces again!

I also love Braden and Cassidy, and I am so very grateful that I get to spend the remainder of my life here with them. They were, and still are, excellent older siblings. I know that they were sent to us first for the purpose of them helping us all through this experience.

"Beach Day" - Random Outing 2

Another out-of-the-blue "random" trip we made was to the Great Salt Lake. We went to Antelope Island last June, and took the kids to see the buffalo, tour the farm, visitors center, and walk in the lake.

We took a picnic lunch - and the kids kept throwing their food at the seagulls.

Becca's favorite part was walking in the lake - we had to walk across the sandbar for quite a ways - and she kept calling it "Beach Day".

"Dad - remember when we had Beach Day? That was a lot of fun. We need to do Beach Day again!" she would say.

I loved this picture of Rachel (even though she has a dirty face). She looks so pensive, and calm. She was a wonderful baby and daughter. I love her so much!

I would *LOVE* for the opportunity to do Beach Day with Becca and Rachel again. It never got warm enough - so we never were able to. We'll probably try to go with Cassidy and Braden again this year some time...hopefully the memories we've made there will serve to make us happy when we return, rather than sad.

Golden Spike - Random Outing 1

One saturday a few years back, we woke up and decided out of the blue to go to the Golden Spike monument. It was a lot of fun - especially for just a random "mini-vacation".

I really like this picture of Rebecca and I walking on the railroad tracks by the golden spike.

I'm glad that we did things like this with the girls before they died. It gives us fond memories to look back on. I really miss those days.

Halloween Witch

This last Halloween, Rachel was a witch. This costume actually was my sister Lindsay's costume when she was 1 year old. Cassidy and Becca also got their turns to be witches in this costume as well. So - even though Lindsay didn't have any sisters, the costume was well-used.

The funny thing about this was the hat. Rachel was the only one of our kids who would keep it on. When we first put it on, she said "CUUUUUTE!" and it stayed there the rest of the day.

She really liked to be cute and she really was a cute girl! Although she didn't particularly like to have her hair done, she liked it when it *was* done, and would say "CUUUUUTE!"

I miss hearing her say that. But I will always remember her little voice, and her cute face and smile! I love you Rachel!

Missing Out

One way that is interesting to me is the way that Cassidy and Braden are mourning. They keep feeling sad about things that the girls will miss out on. For example, they keep asking if Becca and Rachel ever got a chance to go to Disneyland, or to the zoo, or to do other things.

Yes - Becca got to go to Disneyland. And technically Rachel did too - Brenda was pregnant at this time.

I really love this picture. Becca looks so in awe at being able to talk with Snow White. I am so glad that she got to meet her. Becca had some dress-up dresses that she loved to do with friends...and although she said that her favorite princess was always Cinderella, she always seemed to pick the Snow White dress-up to use when she got to choose. I think it was probably the yellow dress that she liked.

Today, I was feeling a bit sad because of things that I didn't get to do with the girls. One thing in particular that I remember doing as a kid that I loved doing was having a nap with my dad in his bed on weekends. I have been able to do that with all my kids - except for Rachel...she was not old enough to enjoy something like that.

I think I might go take a nap in her room this weekend. :)

Thumbsucking (or... "How to tell Becca and Rachel Apart")

I like this picture for a lot of reasons. First, Brenda is smoking hot...so much so, you can see the steam :) Second, it shows how much Rebecca and Rachel looked like each other (this is Rebecca in this picture). I also like this picture because it reminds me of how I would always take the baby (whoever was the baby at the time) on vacations...I would be the one to hold, carry, and take care of them.

But the reason I chose this picture today is because it shows Becca sucking her thumb. She was our only thumb-sucker, and she did it all the time. In pictures where they look alike, you can tell it's Becca if she is sucking her thumb. When she turned 4, she started trying really hard to overcome that habit - and little by little, she did. Just a couple of months ago, Brenda and I were talking and we decided that Becca had finally stopped completely. We were SOOOOOO proud of her for overcoming something so difficult for her.

I hope that we can make her proud by overcoming something that is so difficult for us. Becca, I love you!

Christmas Eve, 2009

Every year, we do a "Bethlehem Supper" on Christmas Eve. We spread out a blanket in the family room, and eat "food that the shepherds would have eaten". Generally, we eat beef jerky, gouda cheese, pita bread, and dried fruit - and we drink grape juice (white...not purple...we're in the family room, remember). OK, so it's probably not *exactly* like the shepherds - but it gets us thinking about the night of the birth of Jesus Christ.

We also watch a video of the nativity - and afterwards, we talk about the birth of the Savior.

I just ran across this picture yesterday - I hadn't seen it before (that I remember). I love how it has all my kids, and they are all happy. I love all my kids. That's one thing that I need to try and express during this sorrowful time - that I love the two girls that have passed on...but I love Braden and Cassidy just as much!

We had always planned on reading from Luke chapter 2 once our kids got older (the video was an attempt to get their attention while they were young). However, I think that I want to keep watching the video for Becca and Rachel.